THE RECENT PHENOMENA OF GHOSTING
My job is reading tarot.
Over the past 8 years I have read for more 20,000 clients.
My clients are my friends and mainly women.
I share my heart with them as they do with me. I truly care about what they are going through.
Of course in my type of work, there is a high ratio for my clients to be passing through a tough time where they need some clarity and guidance, so they come to me.
In the past couple of years I have noticed an upswing in clients coming to me seeking answers as to why they are being ‘GHOSTED’.
‘Ghosting’ seems to be a phenomena these days mainly by men, who make their dates/or girlfriends feel like everything is going well and then ‘PUFF..PFFF’ like magic they just disappear off the grid.
They don’t return phone calls. They don’t answer texts. They don’t answer emails. There is no explanation, only ZERO COMMUNICATION leaving my client high and dry with a big ‘WTF’ question mark in her head.
She begins to doubt herself.
‘Did I do something wrong?’
‘Did I say something I shouldn’t have?’
Then all the rest..
‘Is he ok?’
‘Maybe he’s sick?’
‘Should I contact his family?’
Then they find out through a friend the guy is alive and well.
Then the anger can arise.
‘What the hell?’
‘How can someone be like that?’
‘How can someone not give closure?’
If you have ever been ghosted or are going through it now, believe me, it’s not your fault.
GHOSTING I feel is a sign of the times unfortunately.
In this technological world of social media – like and dislike, swipe right, swipe left, even porn…partners are objectified by their profile pic, their bio, and can easily disappear as if changing the channels in a remote.
There seems to be little scope for emotional growth for the normal guy these days.
It is an almost mechanical decision to swipe.
To swat a fly has more of an emotional response than a left swipe.
Yet women are very emotional while men love to be active, hunting and chasing.
In the hunting process men will make you feel like you are so special, so loved.
As women feel more comfortable with this man they let down their guard. They start to trust this man and think ‘ok this is good.. I can feel safe here’ (which is ultimately what every woman wants… to feel safe and nurtured so the Divine Feminine can open and grow).
So the woman, starts having a little spark in her eyes as her heart starts to open…
Her heart is melting…
Then what happens?
The ‘super ultrasonic emotional radar’ that all men possess senses that woman is starting to feel more than he can handle.
Automatically his inner alarm goes off.. he thinks and feels:
‘I’m about to suffocate.’
‘I don’t know how to handle this!’
‘Nobody said anything about deep emotions!’
‘I don’t want to even deal with this feeling shit!’
“OMG, now I have to show up for her when I don’t even know what I feel’
This overtakes the man, overwhelms the man. It’s easier just to run!
‘If I told her what I’m feeling, I’m going to look messy. I’m going to hurt her!
So, this is GHOSTING.
It has nothing to do with you dear girlfriend.
The guy didn’t realize that getting you meant also that he had to be EMOTIONALLY PRESENT.
Emotional presence is something that isn’t taught on Tinder or Match.
Emotional presence for a man takes a lot of balls and sensitivity.
Lets look at this scenario in another way:
OK, you (GF!) are at dinner. You are looking all doey-eyed at him across the table.
Internally this guy recognises that you are falling for him..his inner alarm goes off.
He freaks out for a minute but decides to just sit there and listen to her talking about her day.
He realizes his heart is pounding.
He doesn’t know what he feels. He is confused.
He then decides to take a deep breath and slow down and be very present listening to her says:
‘You know I am really enjoying my time with you, I’m feeling things that confuse me right now. I need a bit of time to work things out in my head and heart.’
‘I hope you know that I’m not really ready for an emotional relationship. I don’t want to hurt you.’
This of course might be an ouch moment for a woman but it is so much clearer and emotionally honest than just ghosting her.
Unfortunately a lot of men these days don’t have mentors that can teach them to be emotionally present. Sadly, the heart seems to have not much worth these days in this fast paced society among men.
I am aware I am generalizing here. Of course not all men are disconnected from their heart center. I am talking about the ‘GHOSTERS’.
So my lady friends and clients, don’t worry.
It’s nothing to do with you.
It’s about the ghosters lack of emotional depth and maturity.
If by chance this ever happens to you, let him go,,
You need someone more honestly present and in their heart in your life.
Love to you all!
Come with me for a reading if you need any help at all!
Leslie Anne Franklin